Tired (I Didn't Want to Write this Blog Post)
I don’t want to write this blog post.
If you’ve met me, you know I’m a matter-of-fact person. I’m not peppy, but I can be friendly. I’m a pretty serious introvert. Doing Facebook and Instagram Lives hurt my soul. I’m not filming and posting myself dancing and singing in my studio, though I am often sitting alone on my studio floor, observing her beauty while blasting Jagged Little Pill. I built my studio by being this way and it seems to be working out. So, let’s get matter-of-fact about this: I don’t want to write this blog post.
This is what I did yesterday:
Woke up at 6:45am and laid in bed for an hour
Uploaded five new yoga videos to our online video library and promoted them on social media
Called my mom
Scrolled Facebook for longer than I want to admit
Ate breakfast
Watched Bravo
Took a drive and sat outside
Worried about my friends and family
Watched Netflix
Ate lunch
Then, a friend sweetly texted me that I was doing an incredible job making my studio and its future great with every circumstance thrown my way. I thanked her and told her it was nice to hear her say that, because I feel like I should be doing so much more.
I see other businesses, other yoga studios, doing so much more than I am. Sending three newsletters/week, holding staff meetings, having full Zoom class schedules, running challenges, having quarantine sales, Mother’s Day Sales, retail sales, hosting special classes for nurses, teachers, teens, moms, writing novels on Instagram. I see other businesses writing blog posts.
The truth is, I absolutely can be doing more. I spent half of yesterday sitting on a couch. I could have done more for my business. But another truth is, I didn’t want to. I’m tired. And not so much tired from DOING, but tired from watching other people DO. I’m just a tired human being.
There’s a quote I’m reminded of here:
“There are two types of ‘tired’. One is a dire need of sleep, the other is a dire need of peace.” *
I think the world is tired right now.
The man at Petco is tired and wishes he could take “a two-month vacation” (mind you, I was planning on closing my studio for a week in August and actually taking a vacation. This is not a vacation).
Hospital staff are tired from working so many shifts; they are tired of losing patients.
Scientists are tired of reading conspiracy theories questioning their years of education and dedication.
My community in the tri-state area is tired of watching people protesting stay-at-home orders with assault rifles, when we know many people who are sick or who have died from this virus.
People of color are tired from having to keep reminding the “land of the free” to say the names of unarmed black people murdered by white people, even during a pandemic.
The suddenly unemployed are tired.
Small business owners are tired.
Teachers are tired.
Children are tired.
Parents are tired.
Some are in dire need of sleep, but most of us have tired souls and are in dire need of peace.
This post is for everyone, but mostly for people who, like myself, when their souls are tired, can’t DO anymore.
At this point, I feel the need to emphasize how much I care about my business, because being someone who can’t DO anymore when she is tired leaves me feeling like a lazy POS. I love my studio, our students and our mission so much. The moment I can reopen, I am ready and eager to do so swiftly, safely and responsibly. I have plans to DO a lot then.
But for now, I have plans to just be. Right now, I am loving and supporting myself and my people. I’m remembering that I’m only one person and that I’m doing enough for my business. My business is going to be OK. We will do a sale before we reopen. I will write more blog posts then.
Yes, I look at some people and think, “Wow, they are doing so much more than I am”.
Those people might look at other people and say, “Wow, they are doing so much more than I am”.
Some people might look at me and say, “Wow, she is doing so much more than I am.”
Enough. You are doing enough.
Small business owners, I see you.
Suddenly unemployed, I see you.
Front line workers, I see you.
Essential workers, I see you.
People of color, I see you.
My community, I see you
Our students, I see you.
Scientists, I see you.
Teachers, I see you.
Children, I see you.
Parents, I see you.
Everyone doing all the things, I see you.
Everyone who cannot DO any more, I see you.
You are being enough.
This morning I woke up and told a friend that I was going to write this post. A few hours later she asked, “did you write it?”
I hadn’t. I had eaten breakfast. I had watched Bravo TV. I had done laundry and taken a shower. I took a nap. I didn’t want to write this blog post.
*Mostly I see this as quoted as anonymous. Though a few have it credited to Mandeq Ahmed.